PREGNANT FOR MY COUSIN

The rains won’t stop, chilly as it is we must just put him to rest. I loved him, I mean he loved me, or let’s just say, she loved him more. ‘I will miss you my husband, fare thee well.’ She says as she pours soil on the coffin that is already in the grave, as an African norm of bidding the loved ones final goodbye.  This is a burial ceremony of my special person, somebody’s husband, don’t get me wrong though. I watch from afar with my teary eyes that I have hidden under my black shades. People could be hurting, but I feel like am hurting the most, yet I try so hard to hide this from my husband who is standing right next to me.

Love doesn’t ask why, they say, and so did it never ask why I was married but still ended up loving another person (who was also married). Love knows no boundary, and indeed it crossed the boundary and brought together two married people to a ‘secret affair’. Don’t call this ‘mpango wa kando” as most of you would term it already, this was real love. Why couldn’t we just divorce our spouses and have it publicly official? Some would ask, but what if we just loved it that way? Let’s all wonder!

It was love at first flight, if not sight. At Jomo Kenyatta International Airport, I boarded the famous classy Kenya Airways plane to Mombasa, for a three day job I had been called for at Mombasa county Assembly. Right next to me, sat this handsome looking guy. He wasn’t tall dark and handsome as many ladies would prefer, but to me the light skin tone, the neatly shaved and stylish beards and the masculine body meant everything. ‘Halloo, my name is Dave, you stay in Mombasa?’ he broke the abnormal silence between us, as we departed. O.M.G, his voice literally melted my heart. ‘Shirleen, I mean Shirley…... u can call me Shirley.’ I murmured in a stammering tone, confused of what to say. ‘No, I don’t stay there, am going for a job appointment’ I finally managed to express myself.

 It happened that Dave was also visiting Mombasa for the first time, what a coincidence! We were lost in a beautiful conversation of sweet nothings, as we knew each other best and believe me when I say that the chemistry was real. Within no time we were in Mombasa, I wish it lasted just a little longer. Since we had different missions and tasks to accomplish, we exchanged contacts, promised to see each other again and he bid me goodbye with a big warm hug. In summary, my three day job in Mombasa was fabulous, I don’t know how long Dave was going to take in this coastal town, but my time was finally up and I had to go back to Nairobi, my hustling city.

I live in Nairobi, at the leafy suburbs of Ruaka, close to Rhunda or I should just call it ‘lower Rhunda’ with my loving husband, whom I thought I loved so much until I met Dave. My husband and I have been together for three years now since we tied the knot, and bid goodbye to the bachelor’s life, unfortunately he is impotent that means we can’t have children, unless otherwise. Three years is a lot to a hyper lady like me who never lasted even for three months in my prior relationships, allow me term this as a ‘miracle’ as I never saw myself getting this far. Dave became my world of fantasy, I longed for him, dreamt about him and did everything always having him in mind. I was like a teen, who just met his first crush.

Finally the long awaited dates were here! We had quite several dates when Dave got back to Nairobi, he made it clear to me that he was married with two kids, and I had no secrets to hide too as I was married but childless. The secret outings became the order of the day as we excused ourselves from our respective spouses with the excuse of ‘business meetings’. There is a day I happened to bump into my husband in town, coming from a coffee date with Dave. This was terrifying, I was forced to introduce him as my cousin he didn’t know about to avoid trouble, as my husband would not have taken it lightly.

The lying might have eased my work, as I could comfortably meet my Dave, even by the knowledge of my hubby since he knew that he was just but a cousin. The worst happened when I could not see the moon! I had missed my periods for two months and that was a reason enough to get me scared and worried. I called Dave to inform him about the shocking revelation after confirming via pregnancy test, that I was in deed expectant. We agreed to meet at a certain hotel in town to discuss about what next, and this happened to be the very last conversation between us. I was at the hotel in time, waited for so long only for Dave to fail me, he didn’t show up. I felt betrayed, I cried silently and cursed a lot. Little did I know that Dave was no more? It was on his way to meet me at the hotel that he encountered a fatal road accident that took his life on the spot.

I got home to the comforting arms of my husband. ‘Sorry love, it’s all in the news’ he whispered to my ears. Wait what? I didn’t get that right. What was all in the news? I came back home crying over the disappointment I had for not seeing Dave only to receive a double shock from my husband about his death. Good Lord! It couldn’t sink, he was gone. Where was I to start from?

My husband has been with me all through, he made a major contribution to fund the funeral knowing that he was doing it for my cousin. We have laid him to rest, but am still left with one riddle. How do I break the news to him? Abortion is not an option, I really need this baby, for it could be the only one I will ever have. ‘I am sorry love, he was never my cousin, and I am carrying his child!’ I finally whispered to his ears, as i burst into tears. 'What?!! Pregnant for your cousin?'.....